Positive Sexuality
| June 3, 2010 | Posted by Issa under Think About It |
For Alchemy 2010, I’m running a theme camp called Fucking Awesome that’s centered around positive sexuality. We’re planning for everything from sex education classes to open orgies. I know a lot of people who do work to help bring a more positive view of sexuality to the people around them. Sometimes it seems like a lot of progress has been made, and sometimes it seems like sex will always be a dirty little secret in this culture. I wondered, How will we know when sex is actually viewed, culture-wide, as a positive thing? What will it look like? What will be different about our everyday lives?
I can think of lots of big answers, of course:
- Parents will talk to their children openly and comfortably about sex, and children will get positive, truthful, joyful information about sex from a variety of sources.
- Homosexuality will not be seen as criminal, immoral, or something that should be hidden or denied. No one will worry about losing their job, their kids, or their life for the gender of their sexual partners.
- STD information will be widespread and accurate. Treatments will be researched and widely available. People with STDs will not face scorn.
- All kinds of people will be portrayed in the media as sexual beings, including elderly, disabled, and fat people.
- Polyamory will not be seen as criminal, immoral, or something that should be hidden or denied.
- How many sexual partners a person has had or not had will not be seen as a marker of their virtue.
Today, though, I’m thinking about a little-bitty effect: seeing people in public being sexual with one another. Now, I don’t mean fucking on the streets. And I don’t mean the very narrow views of sexuality that scream from billboards and magazines. I simply mean everyday people, going about their everyday lives, expressing sexual feelings towards one another.
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When I attend burns, I frequently see or hear people interacting sexually in some way. Maybe it’s sex noises carrying out from someone’s tent. Maybe it’s just a couple making out. Maybe it’s people cuddling together on a couch, but in an active way that’s just short of making out. Maybe it’s flirting. Maybe it’s just the not-really-sexual, yet intimate touch of foot rubs and shoulder massages.
Out in “regular” public, there’s none of this, of course. Sexuality in public is relegated to bars. I’m not going to see people making out at a restaurant. No one grabs their partner’s ass in the grocery store. You don’t see coworkers offering each other foot rubs.
Why is that, exactly?
One thing you might say is, “I just don’t feel flirty when I’m grocery shopping.” Why is that, though? We’ve effectively sectioned off sexuality as private. Some parts of our lives are for sex and some parts aren’t. I’m not sure that’s the best way, though. We are sexual beings all the time, and I wish we could express that more.
When I’m at a burn, I love seeing people in various stages of intimacy with one another, and it’s truly a happy sight. I guess I just wish there was a little more of that freedom and joy in everyday life.
Tags: Alchemy, Fucking Awesome, Homosexuality, Polyamory, Sex
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Interesting point. And yeah, you’re right. I’ve grabbed asses and made out in public, sure, but mostly that is followed by calls of “get a room!” or else just dirty or nervous looks.
I hate the call “Get a room!” I get that it’s people trying to express their nervousness in a cute, non-mean way (or, frequently, they’ve just unthinkingly plugged in a catchphrase). But the obvious interpretation of it is that what you’re doing is inappropriate or is going to cross over into inappropriate any minute now. I like to respond with, “We have a room. It’s this one!”
This sounds like a fantastic idea! I’ve found that even at Alchemy sex seems to be a “behind closed doors (tents?)” subject. Let me encourage you to post the theme camp on the Alchemy website! I would be willing to help out with the classes!
To some extent, Fucking Awesome will still be “behind closed doors”, in that all our events will take place inside our dome. However, it gives people an option for sexual expression beyond their own tents and a way to interact sexually in a more public fashion as well as a place to go where you know sex is welcome (someone recently called the dome a Beacon of Sex!) I submitted the theme camp to the Alchemy website weeks ago, but they have not put up theme camps for 2010 yet. If you are interested in helping out in any fashion (or just want to read up more on what we’re doing) email me at erosissa@gmail.com and I’ll send you an invite code to the forums where we’re discussing everything.
I love “Beacon of Sex!”
On “Get a Room!” I’d assume most of my weirdo friends are just repeating a catch phrase, but who knows? I mostly see it as affectionate, but I can definitely see your point. I don’t usually take it to mean “Go Away”, when it comes from people I know. I usually assume they’re teasing and don’t expect me to go anywhere.
@Sarah – I agree that many of the people we know are likely not actually saying that they disapprove. This is one of the problems with catchphrases, though – they can be said unthinkingly in a way that perpetuates an idea that you don’t actually support. For example, while one person might hear the phrase and know it’s a joke, another might hear the phrase and mistakenly think it’s a communication of social values and take that into account the next time they’re thinking of doing something. Or, even if both the speaker and the people expressing themselves sexually understand what’s intended, a complete bystander could hear it and use it to modify their future behavior or use it to validate the sex-negative feelings they already have. I think this is often a problem with “ironic” humor (like racist or sexist jokes that you don’t “really” mean – if anyone’s listening who’s not in on your joke, all you’ve done is actually say the thing that you don’t approve of.
I get your point. I think that whether or not it bothers me depends on my perception of the intent, but obviously not everyone knows that. Oh, and on the jokes…that’s a deep well! I suppose I’m unlikely to tell a joke like that at all around a larger audience, for that reason.
A video on growing up and and female sexuality by a an Indian filmmaker
My Own Stains by Junuka Deshpande
http://vimeo.com/10014594